Being just Thankful doesn't seem like enough.

Each year around Thanksgiving people begin to reflect on the things they are truly thankful for. On Facebook the challenge was sent out to post something to be thankful for every day. I treated this challenge rather flippantly and looked for small, overlooked items to post. This past week I was thankful for scissors, nail clippers, rice, flushing toilets and several other items that just don't get the attention they deserve.

Then I read "The Handmaiden's Tale" and realized that as a female, I have some larger, much more important things to be thankful for. Things that only recently became rights a woman could claim (but that in several countries are still not given to women).

I am thankful:

-that I do not have to wear a veil over my face and can smile at whomever I choose.
-that I have the right to vote.
-that I have the right to be counted as a citizen on the census.
-that I have the right to have my own checking account.
-that I have the right to own property.
-that I have the right to wear shorts or sandals in public.
-that I have the right to wear pants in public.
-that I have the right to play organized sports in those shorts.
-that I have the right to publish this writing on the internet.
-that Title IX is in place and allowed the women before me to pioneer women's sports.
-that I have the right to learn to read and to own books.
-that I have the right to refuse sexual advances by anyone.
-that I have the right to leave the house with my hair uncovered.
-that I have the right to leave the house.
-that I have the right to choose whom I am going to marry (or live with).
-that I have the right to research and choose my religion.
-that I have the right to have a job of my choosing.
-that I can pursue the education of my choice.
-that I can start a business of my own.
-that I can drive my own car.
-that I can celebrate my date of birth with an alcoholic beverage.
-that I can speak with or have friendships with men without fear for my life.
-that I can go out into public alone without the escort of a male relative.
-that I can choose the color, cut and design of my own clothes.
-that I can play a traditionally male sport and still have the respect of men.
-that I am free to speak my mind-whether anyone wants to listen or not.

For all these freedoms and so many more I couldn't count them, I am truly grateful to the women who bravely fought for them. This Thanksgiving I am giving thanks for their courage and contribution to the rights all women enjoy today. The right to proudly call myself a football player would not be mine if not for all the sacrifices women have made throughout history. To them, I humbly bow and say, "Thank you."

The Strangeness

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

Decisions are powerful things. Some take so little thought. I mean, I'm pretty sure I only engaged one brain cell when I decided what shirt to wear this morning. Some take up many many brain cells and have far-reaching consequences that were never considered during the initial decision-making process. My decision to switch from the Portland Shockwave to the Portland Fighting Fillies has certainly been one of the many brain-celled moments of my life. It is proving to have been a good decision. I am certainly happier with the new team. My fun meter maxes out at every practice. I'm meeting cool new people that I enjoy playing with.
But, like every decision, there have been consequences. Friendship always seemed a fragile, gossamer, thing to me. It's intricacies seemed to be an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a puzzle sometimes. I had it wrong. Good friendships are strong and stand the tests of time and change. Life just seems to present you with situations that naturally illuminate your friendships so you know who you can rely on. This change of teams has provided such illumination. My good friends are happy that I'm happy playing a game that makes me happy. They don't care who I'm playing for. And I love them for that.
I will miss the Shockwave. I will miss being at events, anchoring fundraisers, and recruiting anyone that looked like they could play football. It hurts that it seems no one will miss me. I feel expendable. No one reached out and tried to talk me out of it. No one tried to keep me with the Shockwave. No one tried to sway my decision at all. After 8 years of being at just about every damn thing, 8 years of recruiting, practicing, sweating, working to help build the Shockwave, 8 years of playing in hot games and cold games in the trenches alongside other players I trusted, and no one reached out to ask me to stay. So, I'm pretty sure I made the right decision. And I'm glad to accept the consquences of my decisions. (Note:ownership did ask me why I'm leaving).
Thank you, my friends, for your support. I am so thankful for each and every one of you. And new friends, I'm excited to forge strong, lasting bonds.

The new Benny Hill workout

"After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference."- Charlotte Gray

I have a new workout routine. Apparently I have more than one pet that likes to escape and then run me all over the yard as I chase it. I'm not sure who this is more entertaining for-the pet? My elderly neighbor in the next yard over? The dog, who looks wisely bemused at my antics as I make a mad dash and scramble to head off the errant beast. Or maybe my partner thinks it's quite the hoot as I flap and fly and swear my way all over the yard chasing a stray chicken or her damn sneaky cat. Either way, it's a hell of a workout, and if I could just cue the Benny Hill music in the background it would feel just right.

A couple of days ago it was Estelle, the red chicken, flapping and squawking and pooping all over the place before I caught her. This evening it was Isabella the Evil. She squirted out the door with the dog before I could get my foot in her way. She zigged, she zagged, she was lightning, she was smoke. And then she realized she was outside and froze like she'd seen a dog (a real dog-not wimpy old Calvin whom she controls with her mind games). And I placed her, ever-so-gently, back in the house. Okay, I threw her, but in a way that she could land in a healthy manner. :)

The good part is, I corner well. I change directions in a hurry. I stayed upright in the face of peril (peril being the dog poop mines planted in the back yard). Perhaps I should try out for running back-or maybe the Queer in our next game of Smear the Queer. Either way, I would like to thank Isabella and Estelle for the unplanned trips to the backyard gym. Well done ladies!

Estelle as a teenager.

Isabella the Evil in appropriate attire.

Insomnia

Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)

Here I sit at Oh-butt thirty in the morning contemplating my life with a side of football. Why can't I sleep? Like so many insomniacs, I have a lot on my mind. Unemployment is a stress factor that has been compounded by the ballooning jobless numbers in my state. Last night at dark o'clock I saw a posting for a K-Mart job (a freaking K-Mart job!!) that went online at midnight. I saw the posting at 1:30am. Out of either gross curiosity or just plain desperation, I applied. I finished my application at 2:00 am, but I could not schedule an interview time because all 400 slots from now until December were already taken! 400 applicants in the middle of the night!!! Luckily, it looks like K-Mart is not in my future.

The other factor that is keeping me from the loveliness of deep, sound, normal sleep is football. For the past eight years I have been devoted to the one and only Portland women's team-the Shockwave. Now, there is a new team in town. I admit it, I was the first to see the craigslist ad inviting people to try out. At first I was outraged-how dare another team come compete for our hard-earned players and sponsors! So I wrote a fired up e-mail to my teammates hoping to get some fired up e-mails back. All I got was radio silence and one lone e-mail. So I did some assessing/soulsearching. (When soulsearching it's best to bring along a mental broom to clear out the memory cobwebs). My soul told me I wasn't having fun playing football anymore. I haven't been having fun playing football for some time now.

This realization shocked me. Not only was I about to leave a team that I had been devoted to for 8 years (my longest relationship) but I had been okay with just hanging in there and not having fun. Where's the fun in that? So, I left the Shockwave and am now a Fighting Filly. But why is this keeping me up in the middle of the night? Because I'm loyal. Because the Shockwave ownership took it personally. Because we have a million things to do to get the Fillies going strong and my mind is racing in overdrive because I get to be a part of it. My mind just won't shut down-and I secretly love it!

This blog is going to be about life and about football. For the last 8 years, football and life have been tied up all together for me. This is my chance to separate them, but at the same time, be a part of the beginning of something great. I need to find a job. I need to help out this new team. I need to avoid H1N1. I need to get in shape. All aspects of life plus football. Welcome to my journey. Enjoy the ride.